I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
