i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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