fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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