youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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