If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
