$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
