this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
