Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
