youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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