just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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