Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Im part way to drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
