you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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