i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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