dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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