where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
