tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
