oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
