I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it because I queefed?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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