My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
