R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
