Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
