He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
