I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
