dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
