listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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