Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
