We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
