The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
