Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
