They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
