oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
