Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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