Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
