we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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