I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
