im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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