You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
