He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
