Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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