Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
