is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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