one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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