If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
