Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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