i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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