Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
