I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
