the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
