Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
