she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
